Old paper thats been on my mind.

I've come back to this conversation several times in the past two days. I keep coming back to a paragraph i wrote for my English class several years ago. I thought i'd share with you since its been on my mind so heavily lately.

 I long for the days of pink ribbons and strong males. the days when men and womens rolls were not blurred but defined the way God intends. Forty to fifty years ago girls were looked at as delicate creatures, created as help-mates to men. men were regarded as providers and protectors. in todays society womens lib. runs wild proclaiming the days of poodle skirts and bananna curls as repression and our so called "protectors" as the repress-ors. Pink was for girls and blue was for boys. Today I dont think anyone would know the difference. The gender rolls are consistently being blurred into one giant unisex society. Marriage is not regarded as the sacred bond a man and woman share, but the whim any two humans, male or female should have the right to take on or take back whenever they want. I only wish we could go back to those poodle skirt and pink ribbon days

Ministry??

What is ministry? We have to as a church stop making people our project. We so often see someone who is in need and make them our project. Shouldn't we just befriend and love them? I will admit I've been guilty of this. I have kept people at arms length but trying to show them love in the form of compassion and help. Is this love? Love is a sacrifice of yourself. If we are pressing into Christ and have the support of our Christian friends can't we love people on a real level and be real friends with them? Should we really have ministry moments or a life style of ministry through love?
I am in a difficult process of changing my lifestyle into this very thing. I have felt called into ministry for 10 years and have only spent 3 month in full time ministry. I have always just volunteered to help without holding any real position because I have always felt unworthy to do my calling. God has been really working in me that...that is the point. I am completely unworthy to do his calling. Without being a broken person I cannot minister to a broken world. I am so incredibly ready to begin my life in full time ministry and Its starting here in St. Charles, Mo. Were not 3rd world or an exotic location but we are filled with broken people who need to know the true love of Christ. Not Church. Not religion. Not Legality. Love. the Love of Savior who will make them a new creation. My days of "project people" are over. Lord help me to live a life of ministry and a life of sacrificial love when it isn't easy.

Rebel with a cause: Love

Its funny how God makes us. I have a natural James Dean rebellion in me. It has gotten me into trouble it's fair share of times. But, it's awesome how God not only uses that but, he made it in me for a purpose. I love that God has been growing a love in me for the group of people that is so hated by collective Christians. he wants me to Rebel for Love. I want more than anything to shake the American church world's core. We need to get  back to the O.T. church, what that looks like and back to who Jesus shows us to be by example. Love! We need a love revolution in the church and stop living this watered down life we call Christianity. Lets be real Christ followers, real Christians and rebel against this! Stand up for the truth! Love with sacrifice! Real love for people is a sacrifice of time and comfort. how did we get to this point in the Church where this is not the norm? Be the church we are called to be!

Love

I'm incredibly angry! There is so much hype happening around Christians and Muslims and the hate that we so publically have for one another. Maybe I am a freak..which I am more than ok with adopting that title....but, even when people hate us aren't we called to love? I have a growing love for Muslims. God has been placing a compassion and Love for them in me that I can't even begin to explain in the past few weeks. I have been learning a lot about the people in Muslim countries and even more than I already knew about the major difference between extremest and everyday Muslims. Yes, there are men who as i sit here typing who are training children to kill others, and other men planing to kill even more Americans. However, there are also mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, wifes and husbands who live less than a mile form those men and are trying to live their lives in peace, and working to love those in their community. Why are those people so much different from who we are?  How much bigger of an impact would we make on this world by reacting to acts such as burning our flag, with love rather than hatred and revenge? As Americans we are constantly shown stories of Muslims who hate us and are fighting against us etc.. We are being influenced to hate Muslims even just as Americans for our governments gain. We are rarely shown the people who hate the hatred as much as we do. I'm actually thankful that story came out about the pastor burning the Qur-an. It makes me upset the name this pastor is giving Christians, but I pray that this makes others think. We are called as Christians to two things and that's it. Love God. Love Others...all the legality falls into this....and nowhere could you justify hating and disrespecting the Muslims people!

Changing of the Seasons

God is changing me with the seasons..all the old is dying and falling off...I'm not looking forward to the winter of preparation...but I'm excited for the spring!    The Lord really spoke to me tonight that He is about to change me. The past couple weeks I have been feeling that He is preparing me for ministry and the desires of my heart. I know that I am not the person I need to be for that to happen. He is about to do some major work making me the woman I have always been called to be. He hit me while I was driving to my parents house tonight. I am changing with the seasons. There are things that are a part of me right now that need to dry up and fall off like the leaves of a great oak. After He has removed all the those things comes the time of just Him and me and learning. Finally after a long winter comes the spring. He is going to bloom new things in my life..and a new beauty. I will have new flowers and new fruit in my life. I am a very far way from being that woman, and while I am excited to become her...I am scared about the trip. Without great pain their can be no great change. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way" (Hebrews 12:11)

American Mindset

So I've been catching up on my world politics and of course I am getting all rilled up and enraged..what else is new? I feel like no matter what Americans are not going to see what is happening in the rest of the world. We go out and spend $80 on a pair of jeans because they make our butt look perfect, when women on the other side of the world are scraping to buy their family of 5 dinner on her $1 a day. How did we get to this point? How are we as Americans so blinded to what is going on? When i lived in South Africa we did a mini mission while we were there and helped out a local low income housing complex. The people that we spent our time with were lesbian prostitutes and families of 5 living in one room. We were to only spend $1 a day (the average income of the housing complex) to do anything that we needed to do, we also were to gift a family with a meal at the end of the week. To feed that family with one meal, we had to save everything we had that week to buy food. These people live like that everyday, they also have to pay their rent, buy their children clothes, schooling, everything. I love being an American..but I am so ashamed of us sometimes. It breaks my heart and makes me sick that we live the way we do. I have been convicted lately to downsize, to live smaller and be a better steward of the money I am so blessed to be able to earn in this country. I long to be a pioneer and a voice in the darkness. All we need is love :) as the Beatles so amazingly put it. When it comes down to the American dream of needing a big house and a nice car...and owning this..owning that... Why? The happiest people in the world sit on the floor and eat in their 2 room house with their kids running all over, but have the love of Christ..and their family..what else do we need?