The Lou!!

This morning at church I was really seeking God with where I am suppose to be. The youth pastor I worked with at Faith Chapel really prayed with me about it. I felt very very clearly God telling me "I have called you to st. louis, this is your city, this is where your ministry begins". I am excited to finally have direction, but I am a little sad he's not calling me to the other side of the world. Most people argue with God about Him calling them to africa, I argue with Him about being here.
I'm still not sure what the ministry is that He is calling me to but, I am excited to be in St. Louis. I love this city. There is so much history here and culture. If I have to be in the united states, St. Louis is where I want to be. I am so excited to stay around my friends and family. Now i just have to find the ministry that God is calling me to. Still going to continue praying about His call and His direction...and finding a place to live.

13th Floor

I've been second guessing the choice that 13th floor is where I'm being called to specifically in ministry. I have my application in but have really been dragging my feet getting everything else to them. I have reconnected with really good friends since being back in Missouri and know that those people are good for my life. Its hard to walk away from all that. I know that i will make amazing friends while I'm on team and that the friends I don't want to leave will be always be my friends no matter where I live. I've been hearing from everyone that this is not what I am suppose to do. My dad sends me emails regularly giving me new reasons not to go. I think the thing that is making me question it the most is my cousin recently told me she thinks maybe I should wait. I know that she is going to tell me what she thinks unbiased. She was so excited when I told her that i was quitting my job and moving back into full time missions before.
I also was very hurt by a friend on team this month. They really turned their back on me when I needed a friend, and I really don't want to see that person every single day. I know that God is going to do what he wants there, but I am starting to wonder if God has been trying to tell me "no" and I haven't been listening. Is He trying to get my attention? I thought so clearly that God has been calling me back to 13th floor, but maybe He is just calling me back to ministry. I need to pray about this so much, I don't want to miss out on what God has for my life. I also don't want to go all the way around the world to realize that God was calling me to something in St. Louis. For those of you that read my blog please be praying with me about this decision.

Half a team

I'm struggling so much today with the God's calling me into ministry alone. I want to follow his calling no matter what, but I've always picture myself in ministry with someone else. Maybe it's just my Christian High School alumniness that's getting to me, being the only one not married from my graduating class. It's difficult when your called into ministry. I have known many great godly men, however when the call on your life is so unconvential you kinda have to find someone else who has that same call. In my entire life I've only ever even met one other person with the the same vision for their life. I know that God will satisfy my every need and that he probably has  an amazing man to be my teammate and partner. It's just slightly bitter sweet to be starting my life as a full time missionary as a single woman. I'm so excited to be finally at this point but, it's taking a lot of prayer and reliance on my heavenly father to help me not focus on my single status.