I have been praying so much this week about where I am "supposed" to be. Since I moved back home in 2007 I have been aching to move back to Africa and experience the contentment and peace I had while there. But, the more i seek God and seek a closeness in my relationship with Him the more I am finding that I have that contentment in Him and in Him alone.
Several weeks ago a woman in my church had a dream about me I feel was very prophetic about me desiring an intimacy with Jesus I haven't been experiencing in some time. I shared with her that God had recently laid it on my heart that I was making Africa my Jesus. I thought that I would be happy and content and fulfilled if only I could get back there. If only I could move back and do missions. But, God showed me that it was always Him. It has been Him, is Him and will always be Him that holds my peace, contentment and fulfillment. So i let it go. I let go of Africa and allowed God to be my focus. I still wanted missions but I knew my "happiness" didn't depend on it.
Isn't it funny how when you let go of something that's when you get it? I was recently offered a position with an African missions group. I can just go. I can go as long as I want or as short as I want. It's literally being dropped in my lap and now I'm not sure I want it. I'm at a point in my life where God is truly sustaining me and fulfilling me. I haven't been so involved in a church and surrounded by christian friends who love me since I was in Africa. God is giving me my Africa experience here. My Jesus under the mulberry tree is HERE. I can stain my feet here in His presence. So where am I now. I still feel called to ministry of some kind. But what? I've always felt superior to others that I have had my calling figured out since I was 15 and I'm being humbled that I am like every other single person my age. I'm asking the same questions. I want to know where God wants me to be.
I recently had this conversation with my mom and she spoke such wisdom to me. Is God calling me to serve in America? The one country I didn't want to end up serving in? God loves to surprise us. He loves to turn our worlds upside down.
