Unworthy

I know that I am totally unworthy of the calling that is placed on my life. I think that is part of the point. We alone can never do the things that God can do through us if we just allow Him to do what He wants. I feel that I have this feeling on a very healthy level. However, lately I have been feeling unworthy of a partner in this calling. Is it normal to wonder if God maybe calling me alone? In the past I have dated guys who have not felt the calling to ministry like I have, and it ultimately has always ended the relationship because it is something I cannot waver on. I desperately want to be farther along in ministry. Maybe thats not having faith or not taking time to appreciate where God has me right now but I do. I want to be deeper into a "get your hands dirty" ministry. I want to be living small and be crazy busy. I want a million people in and out of my house at all times and my phone ringing all times of the day with people who have no one else to turn to. I want to be planning things and have great responsibility. I would love to be in that life now but the picture looks so incomplete without someone to share it with. I picture myself laying in bed at the end of the day and talking about the amazing things that God did that day, talking about fears and faith, and most of all praying like I've never prayed before with another person. I know that God could use me as a single woman and is. Rag Tag  is exciting and I can't wait to see what God will do through that movement. But, I still find myself longing for that ministry partner. I know Satan is using this in a big way by attack my worthiness for the kind of man that I want. I am not shy about who I have been in the past, and I cannot help but think sometimes that no man of God would want a woman with a past like mine. Even as I sit here typing an old friend of mine's husband is sitting on the other side of the coffee house. I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy for her life and the ministry they are building together. It't not my dream ministry by a far cry, but they are doing it and together. How do i separate the good feeling of unworthiness about ministry and allowing God to do what he wants and the unworthy of a partner in ministry feeling? Don't those two things go hand and hand? I Can have faith about one but not the other? I know that my 2 readers are probably getting tired of hearing this same fear of mine but it keeps hitting me and harder each time.